You’ve tied the knot. Now what do you do with your money?

You and your new spouse — and probably half your wedding guests — are officially exhausted, a little broke and wondering where all the money went.

Months of planning, celebrating and spending have finally come to an end. You’ve opened the cards, counted the cash gifts and promised yourselves you’ll “get serious” about your finances once the honeymoon is over.

Except one small problem remains.

Your spouse still seems to be in vacation mode. The dinners out continue. Amazon packages keep arriving. Someone casually suggests upgrading the couch because “we’re adults now.”

Welcome to one of the first real financial tests of marriage.

Sooner or later, every newlywed asks the same question: Should we combine our money?

It’s the wrong question.

The better question is: How are we going to build wealth together?

Whether you choose joint accounts, separate accounts or a combination of both is largely a personal preference. I’ve seen financially successful couples use every possible arrangement.

What they all have in common isn’t where they keep their money. It’s that they have one financial direction.

Here’s how to create it.

Start with shared goals, not shared accounts

Before deciding where your pay cheques should land, decide what kind of life you’re trying to build.

Do you want to buy a home? Have children? Travel every year? Start a business? Retire early? Have one parent stay home with the kids? Change careers?

Without shared goals, every spending decision becomes a debate. With shared goals, your money suddenly has a purpose.

Try this: Schedule a one-hour money date this weekend. Leave the budget template for later. Simply answer one question together: What do we want our life to look like in 10 years? Make notes and dream together.

Create one household plan

Separate accounts should never mean separate financial lives.

Whether you keep individual chequing accounts or merge everything into one, you still need one household budget, one savings and investing strategy and one plan for growing your net worth.

Your marriage doesn’t merge your values. It magnifies them.

If one partner saves while the other spends freely, separate accounts won’t solve that problem. Neither will joint accounts. Honest conversations and shared expectations will. The goal isn’t financial independence from each other. It’s financial interdependence with each other.

Try this: Calculate your combined net worth every three months. When you subtract your liabilities from your assets, what’s left? If your net worth grows, your financial plans are working for your joint future. This tracking exercise is one of the best ways to measure whether you’re moving forward as a team.

Think ‘fair,’ not ‘50-50’

Many couples get stuck trying to split every expense exactly in half. Life rarely works that way.

One partner may earn more. One may return to school. One may take parental leave. Income will likely change throughout your marriage.

Instead of asking, “Are we each paying the same amount?” ask, “Are we both contributing fairly to the life we’re building?”

That’s a much healthier conversation.

Try this: Decide whether contributions to shared expenses should be equal or proportional to income. Revisit the arrangement whenever your circumstances change.

Automate your future

One of the greatest gifts you can give your marriage is removing as many money decisions as possible.

Set up automatic transfers for savings, investing and household bills every payday. When your priorities happen automatically, you’re far less likely to overspend first and save what’s left over.

Automation also removes one of the biggest sources of financial tension — human nature.

Try this: Before next payday, automate at least one transfer into a shared savings account or investment account, even if it’s only $50.

Talk about money before it becomes a problem

Money conversations shouldn’t only happen after someone overspends or a credit card bill arrives.

The healthiest and most financially successful couples talk about money when nothing is wrong.

Once a month, pour a glass of wine or make a cup of tea, leave the phones in another room and spend 20 minutes reviewing your progress, upcoming expenses and long-term goals.

Those conversations become easier, and more productive, over time.

More importantly, they build trust.

At the end of the day, it matters very little whether your pay cheques land in one account or five. Financial success isn’t built by sharing a bank account. It’s built by sharing a vision.

Because a wedding joins two lives, but a financial plan builds one future.

This article was originally published in The Star. Lesley-Anne Scorgie is a Toronto-based personal finance columnist and a freelance contributing columnist for the Star.